If you’re a celebrity, as I’m sure many of my readers are, here are some indicators that you’re probably a has been or will soon be one. If you realize you’ve been recently making some of these comments, it’s probably time for a face lift or career change.
“I got a gig hosting Extra.”
“I’m going to be on Celebrity Fit Club. (or any other VH1 with ‘celebrity’ in the title)”
“Yeah, I fucked Paris.”
“It’s on tape.”
“I apologize profusely for calling my fellow castmember a faggot. Oh did I say it again? Jeez, I’m so sorry.”
“I’m out of rehab! I’m a changed person!”
“Tom Cruise and I are like brothers. He has some good ideas.”
“Jimmy Kimmel won’t return my phone calls.”
“I manage a restaurant. It’s a McDonald’s franchise. But I used to be on The Wonder Years.”
“I’m Britney Spears. You want my picture?”
Tila Tequila, star of Shot of Love announced Monday night while hosting MTV’s New Years Eve Bash that she’ll be returning for season two of the show. This is offensive for two important reasons. One, this might be the worst “celebrity” dating show ever. And secondly because three weeks ago she was claiming that she truly found love. Apparently that was all lies. I’ll admit that I gave the show a shot when it first came out mainly because Rock of Love had ended and I needed something to tide me over between I Love New York episodes. But first of all, she sucks. She has one of the most obnoxious voices in all of television and she definitely does not have a good enough personality to have her own dating show. New York is outrageous and hilarious and Bret Michaels is horny all the time, which makes him equally hilarious and though it’s disgusting, it’s much more fun to watch than some bitch crying about how she has feelings for everybody. The contestants on the show follow suit in being just as emotional and ridiculous. You're on a reality TV show on MTV, there are no feelings. Man up. Every 3 minutes someone is saying that theyre falling in love. It’s been 2 weeks, come on! Another thing that bothered me from day 1. "You still have a shot at love. Are you interested?" Really? That’s how they pitch magazine subscriptions at Best Buy. There are thousands of cuter ways to ask that, the most obvious of which being "Will you take it?" (as in the shot). They can’t even use their own title with a clever double meaning to come up with a decent catch phrase. The show also has some of the worst editing of all time. They try so hard to dramatize everything that even things that would be super fun and dramatic come off as boring and confusing. I’m shocked, frankly, that MTV wants to bring it back. Especially considering all the drama that they supposedly had with Tila.
Also, Tila is a horrible name, especially since it’s a self-given moniker. It doesn’t help to hear psycho white trash dudes yelling it at the top of their lungs. How can you ever fall in love with someone named Tila. That’s also the reason I would never vote for Mitt Romney. How can you trust someone named after a baseball glove?
With the WGA writer's strike in full effect, TV viewers are starting to feel the ripples of no new shows. Though, we've gotten off easily in the past couple of weeks because we've been distracted by the holidays. After we're all done recovering from new years celebrations, we're going to be left with nothing to do. So in lieu of getting together with friends to catch up on the weekly serials, I came up with a list of things that can take up that time. Because I love Rock of Love as much as the next person but I know reality TV can't satisfy me the way a good scripted show can. So while we wait for the resolution to the strike, here are some fun alternatives:
1. Catch up on all the shows you've been meaning to watch but haven't got around to.
I know, I for one, have a short list of shows that I've been dying to get into. But because of school or work, haven't gotten a chance. So borrow your friends' seasons of 24 and The Office and relax. No breaks and no commercials. You can watch at your ow pace and the best part is that when the shows do come back, you'll be all caught up and you can start watching it at its regular time.
2. Watch shows that are already over and available on DVD.
There's nothing like the Seinfeld series on DVD to take up your time in front of the tube. Get yourself a present with all the gift cards you racked up for Christmas and enjoy any of the newly defunct shows like The Sopranos or Six Feet Under.
3. Rewatch your favorite shows.
If you’re like me, you can watch your favorite shows over and over. Some shows are just timeless classics to be enjoyed repeatedly. Rent or buy your favorite show, sit back, relax and remember why you fell in love with the Friends in the first place.
4. Replace TV time with movie time.
Hit up your local video rental place or sign up for Netflix and instead of channel surfing your night away, check out a couple a flicks a week. My personal goal is to watch all the movies on IMDB's Top 250. That's a good way to see some really good movies you probably wouldn't come across otherwise.
Enjoy!
To commemorate the fact that I got all the seasons of Arrested Development as a Christmas present to myself, I want to take a look back at the reasons why we love the Bluths. Actually, it’s more like a list of reasons I hate Fox. Because the world would have gotten around to seeing what all the critics were talking about if they didn’t get a new timeslot every week and if they had actually gotten promoted. If DVD sales are any indication, the show is a hit, even years after it was cancelled. But of course, Fox wouldn’t know a hit if it fucked them in the ass. That’s because they’re too busy looking for the next American One Hit Flash-in-the-Pan up Simon Cowell’s ass. But seriously, Arrested Development is the most consistently funny show ever to grace our television
screens. So when I heard that an Arrested Development movie might be in the works, I was overjoyed with glee. Of course, rumors about this have been circling since the show’s untimely demise, and I personally won’t get too excited until I see it on IMDb. But while promoting Juno (read my review here), Jason Bateman let it slip that he had been recently conversing with series creator, Mitchell Hurwitz, and trying to convince him to get to writing a movie. He said Hurwitz “could be coming around.” Doesn’t sound like much but since the writer’s strike is in full swing, that might mean he’ll actually get the ball rolling, if nothing else out of boredom.
This, naturally, is second best only to having the series return triumphantly to our living rooms. But who knows, maybe the movie will be such a blockbuster, there will no other rational choice than to bring it back. At least something good might come out of the writer’s strike. I won’t be complaining if an AD movie fills the void that 8 less episodes of Lost will leave this coming spring.
The full article and video can be found here:
http://moviesblog.mtv.com/2007/12/06/jason-bateman-refuels-hope-for-arrested-development-movie/
And if you want to catch the show and don’t want to buy it. The entire series (along with many fun extras) is available for your viewing pleasure here:
Stumble It!