If you’re a celebrity, as I’m sure many of my readers are, here are some indicators that you’re probably a has been or will soon be one. If you realize you’ve been recently making some of these comments, it’s probably time for a face lift or career change.
“I got a gig hosting Extra.”
“I’m going to be on Celebrity Fit Club. (or any other VH1 with ‘celebrity’ in the title)”
“Yeah, I fucked Paris.”
“It’s on tape.”
“I apologize profusely for calling my fellow castmember a faggot. Oh did I say it again? Jeez, I’m so sorry.”
“I’m out of rehab! I’m a changed person!”
“Tom Cruise and I are like brothers. He has some good ideas.”
“Jimmy Kimmel won’t return my phone calls.”
“I manage a restaurant. It’s a McDonald’s franchise. But I used to be on The Wonder Years.”
“I’m Britney Spears. You want my picture?”
Tila Tequila, star of Shot of Love announced Monday night while hosting MTV’s New Years Eve Bash that she’ll be returning for season two of the show. This is offensive for two important reasons. One, this might be the worst “celebrity” dating show ever. And secondly because three weeks ago she was claiming that she truly found love. Apparently that was all lies. I’ll admit that I gave the show a shot when it first came out mainly because Rock of Love had ended and I needed something to tide me over between I Love New York episodes. But first of all, she sucks. She has one of the most obnoxious voices in all of television and she definitely does not have a good enough personality to have her own dating show. New York is outrageous and hilarious and Bret Michaels is horny all the time, which makes him equally hilarious and though it’s disgusting, it’s much more fun to watch than some bitch crying about how she has feelings for everybody. The contestants on the show follow suit in being just as emotional and ridiculous. You're on a reality TV show on MTV, there are no feelings. Man up. Every 3 minutes someone is saying that theyre falling in love. It’s been 2 weeks, come on! Another thing that bothered me from day 1. "You still have a shot at love. Are you interested?" Really? That’s how they pitch magazine subscriptions at Best Buy. There are thousands of cuter ways to ask that, the most obvious of which being "Will you take it?" (as in the shot). They can’t even use their own title with a clever double meaning to come up with a decent catch phrase. The show also has some of the worst editing of all time. They try so hard to dramatize everything that even things that would be super fun and dramatic come off as boring and confusing. I’m shocked, frankly, that MTV wants to bring it back. Especially considering all the drama that they supposedly had with Tila.
Also, Tila is a horrible name, especially since it’s a self-given moniker. It doesn’t help to hear psycho white trash dudes yelling it at the top of their lungs. How can you ever fall in love with someone named Tila. That’s also the reason I would never vote for Mitt Romney. How can you trust someone named after a baseball glove?
Stumble It!