Worst.Movie.Ever.

I just made the mistake of watching the midnight showing of Miami Vice. What a piece of shit. It was bad enough that I spent $3.50 on a Kit Kat bar and that we had to sit in the 2nd row. But if the movie had been any good, I could have looked past that. For a movie with no plot, they sure did a lot of talking. A lot of talking, in bad Miami accents. Colin Farrel with a bad dye job trying to speak Spanish, unacceptable. Randomly hopping on a boat and going to Cuba for mojitos, completely unacceptable. I don’t really understand why there were so many Asian bitches all over the place. This isn’t Tokyo Drift. When was the last time you saw an Asian in Miami speaking Spanish?? I’m so beyond offended. The sex scenes in the movie weren’t even hot. The sound track was terrible, the outfits were worse. I’m still trying to count how many guayaveras they could shove Colin Farrel into. And naturally, when a movie has a shitty plot and isn’t really entertaining, you rely on visuals to get you through 2 hours of bullshit because at least there are pretty moving pictures in front of you. So to really kill everything, they hired an epileptic to do the camerawork. Obviously their aim was to capture the gritty feel of the dark Niami drug underworld. To achieve this they also used the shittiest cameras ever. They would shift from a real movie camera to something that closely resembled a camcorder. When done correctly, this can be pulled off and you’ve got Traffic. But when you’re watching one scene in which a bunch of people are talking (unintelligibly so) and the angle changes and its suddenly an 80's movie and then it changes again and the picture is clear, its not cute. Between that and the seizing cameraman, I was just about ready to kill myself. Finally, in an almost attempt to create excitement, there’s a shootout. So you think, sweet. Everyone will shut up and there will be lots of action. But all you hear is nonstop gunfire and you can’t really tell what’s going on or who’s getting shot because the camera is all over the place. I thought I was watching news footage from Iraq. But that couldn’t be because that would have been more exciting. I really have no idea what just happened. There was just Taliban drug lords and Nazi trailer trash and boats. I think there might have been drugs being transported. You would never have a clue because 1 minute they’re in Cuba dancing and then they’re in a casino like its all good and there’s a lot of talking. 
The worst part is that I know there’s people that walked out of there thinking "Man did u see that guy get shot? That was awesome!" I wanted to kill each and every person who I heard a peep out of when the "bad guy" got his. 
I’m gonna pretend I didn’t spend my money on that piece of shit and while I’m at it, abstain from the movies for @ least 3 months. If I see another bad movie, I’m going to feel compelled to send Hollywood a boatload of anthrax- Miami style, ’cause that’s how we do.