Lady in the Water Review

There might be spoilers, there might not: 

First of all, ok...huh? I get the whole weird thing that Shayamalan was trying to do. Stupid little story, fine. But there were just some nasty plot holes. First of all, why does everyone just accept that this bitch just came from the sea like it’s all good? She’s also naked the entire movie! Maybe if you had been wearing pants, the evil grass wouldn’t have scratched you, jackass! Unacceptable! He has them doing all these ridiculous things to help her. What the fuck? If you’re going to try to convince me that a bunch of potheads can get motivated to do anything, you lose. And why the hell is everyone in that apartment building a damn writer? So weird. Most importantly, why did Shayamalan think he could act?? He can barely direct anymore, let alone be in front of the camera. I’ve seen better performances in Star Wars. Why did Paul Giamatti turn into a damn fish in the middle of the movie? (that’s not a spoiler- I just mean he was underwater for 5 minutes with no explanation). I will say this, it had some funny characters. The Asian lady especially. But funny characters don’t make a good story. Maybe its because I’m not spiritual enough but if my big enemy is a dog made out of grass, I don’t need a fucking guardian, I need a lawnmower. And I picked up on the pseudo-deep humanity/war thing, I just don’t care because it didn’t belong. It was put in the movie to give it depth and fell flat because this is a movie that didn’t need depth because it was a fucking bedtime story. Oh and that bitch is a redhead the 1st half of the movie and then she becomes blonde. Also, no one can pull of making up names for things (except maybe JK Rowling.) Other people shouldn’t try. A narf? No. Scrunt? Nooo. Looking past the fact that everyone is just fine with this random mythical naked chick running around and that in the beginning of the movie she has no idea what’s going on, at some point we find out that she can see the future. If you know what’s going to happen in 12 years, can’t you see who makes up the Scooby gang that’s supposed to save your ass? Overall, it wasn’t even cute. I just didn’t buy it. But it still wasn’t worse than The Village. He should just stop making movies. In fact, all established directors should stop making movies because when people have a reputation, they stop caring. I want to see people make movies when they still have something to prove. Not when they have enough money to write, direct, and produce their own crappy story. You know nobody told him what a stupid idea for a movie this was, and those that did got fired.